Matters of the Heart

I am a bit heavy of heart tonight. I was sitting here pondering life, love, and other mysteries, when I thought to myself, "I never did get past Chapter 1 in my Captivating journal. I've read the book, but I'd like to go through it with the journal." My bookshelf happens to be right next to my desk, so I picked it up and began to read some of the responses I had written to the questions. It awakened many longings in me and my feminine heart that I had forgotten. It seems odd to just open my heart up to the general reading public, but since most of my readers are my dearest friends, I think I will. Perhaps some of you can relate. And for the person who occasionally asks to read my diary, here is a glimpse of what you may find:

[From Chapter 1] what strikes you? What did it evoke in your heart?
"...I was also stricken by my desire to be wanted and romanced and loved, and my desire to be beautiful. Even just reading about it made the desires so fresh and strong in my mind. More than anything, I want to be pursued and fought for. All this evoked in my heart a desire to be who I am. I don't want to feel like I have to be strong and independent anymore. I want to be able to embrace my feminine heart and allow others to see it, but I'm afraid."

Do you want to be romanced? In what ways?
"I desperately want to be romanced. I long for it. I want to know that someone loves me and will stop at nothing to gain my love in return. I want to be pursued and sought after. I want to know that someone needs me and that I'm a priority to someone." (In response to the quote: I will find you. No matter how long it takes, no matter how far - I will find you. From Nathaniel to Cora in "The Last of the Mohicans")

As a woman, do you long to draw out the strength of a man?
"Yes. I want to be able to make a man be a hero, and I want to be able to make him feel strong and masculine. I want to be able to be a girl and have a man be the man. I don't want to have to compensate."

I feel as though Captivating is the manual to my soul. I remember thinking when I read it the first time that it described me and explained me perfectly. I still think that it does. I think I need to read it again and finish the journal... go beyond the first chapter... If you want to understand me, truly understand me (and possibly yourself, if you are a woman), I strongly encourage you to read this book. When it claims on the cover that it is going to unveil the mystery of a woman's soul, it would be true to say that it will unveil the mystery of Amarea's soul. It is 1:52am, and I am far from sleep (and not just because of my recent fight with insomnia!). Perhaps I will begin on Chapter 2 tonight. Then again, I'm not sure if I'm feeling up to that just yet...